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FIRST&LAST GRIFF RHYS JONES The actor, writer, presenter, comedy legend, and all-round good guy expresses some thoughts on Middlemarch, mainsails and those mysteries of the organism

First record you ever bought ‘Help!’ by the Beatles when it came out. My mum thought I was mad and that pop singles would never last. I still have it, although I don’t have the means to play it.

Last extravagant purchase you made The last time when I went ‘ouch’ was for a new mainsail for my boat. And this is just maintenance: you stick it up, you use it, and then a little bit later on you have to get a new one. It doesn’t feel like buying anything worthwhile at all. First film that really moved you Lawrence of Arabia when I was a boy. It’s a masterpiece of narrative; just extraordinary. People have dumbed down David Lean, but he is a genius.

Last lie you told I’m somebody who doesn’t tell lies, genuinely, very often. But on the other hand, I do lie every day, often when I say ‘thank you’ for things that I don’t want. Particularly in emails.   First movie you went on a date to Probably when I took a girl that I really fancied to an arthouse movie in London which I had read about: WR: The Mysteries of the Organism. It was a fantastically pornographic film that I hadn’t been aware of. It didn’t seem to help my case. First thing you do when you’ve got time off work Visit my alpacas.

First crush When I was about 15, I went to ballroom dancing classes, and me and Jimson fell in love with identical twins. It was very 128 THE LIST 3 Nov 2016–31 Jan 2017

Shakespearean: the door would be opened by the girl but you didn’t know if it was the girl you were in love with or her sister. Last book you read The book I’m reading at the moment is the brilliant Dictator by Robert Harris.

First great piece of advice you were given The school masters were always full of advice: ‘don’t sit on the radiator or it will give you piles’. Last time you were star-struck The person I was most star-struck by was Isaiah Berlin. I couldn’t think of anything to say to him as he was the greatest living philosopher.

First song you’ll sing at karaoke Never sung karaoke. But I just don’t know any songs apart from ‘How Much I’ve Lied’ by Gram Parsons. First time you realised you were famous I think it was while making Not the Nine O’Clock News when kids at the bus stop starting pointing at us all.

First concert you ever attended An early concert I can remember is the Byrds at the Albert Hall.   Last time you bought flowers Only two days ago.

COMING SOON

First object you’d save from your burning home My wife, but she’s not an object. An object that needs preserving would be my passport. First job Geoffrey Drayton’s in Epping High Street as a shop assistant.

Last crime you committed Speeding! First book you read for a second time Middlemarch at A-level.

Last thing you think of before you go to sleep Am I still wearing my glasses?

First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning ‘Oh no’. Griff Rhys Jones: Jones and Smith is at EICC, Edinburgh, Sat 26 Nov.

Tis the season to get very excited about next year’s big events and they won’t come much bigger than the two festivals gracing Glasgow in the first half of the year. The Glasgow Film Festival arrives in February and there are laughs aplenty going down at the Glasgow International Comedy Festival in March. Among those booked to have us rolling in some aisles are Sue Perkins (pictured), Frankie Boyle, Omid Djalili and Bridget Christie. Read all about it on Wed 1 Feb.

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