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ART A1TACK

Holloway and the beautiful game I If brouhaha was the intended consequence of appointing Dr Richard Holloway as chairman of the Scottish Arts Council. the former Episcopal Bishop of Edinburgh provided it with gusto. Discussing his new job on BBC Radio Scotland. Holloway poured scorn on the ‘snobbishness' that surrounds much of the Scottish arts scene, the cherry on the cake of his comments being his assertion that ‘almost everything can be art, from football to opera’. Amongst the subsequent press harrumphing and hand-wringing, The Herald reported on how notable figures from the football world were queuing up to respond to Holloway's ‘football as art' idea. Among these was Tony Higgins, secretary of the Scottish Professional Footballers’ Association. ‘At its pinnacle, football is an art form,’ Higgins said. ‘People are still buying DVDs of players like Jimmy Johnstone and George Best. Like many great painters they trained for endless hours.‘ The Scotsman, meanwhile, focused on Holloway’s recent completion of his first novel, ‘titled Platform 11 after the platform at Edinburgh’s Waverley Station that leads to London'. As the doctor revealed: ‘lt’s about life. the subtext is about Christianity and its strange. bewitched relationship with sex.’

HAPPY EVERAF'I'ER?

Wrinkly wedding fever

I The carefully choreographed Valentine’s Day engagement of Prince Charles to his bidey-in, equine beauty Camilla Parker- Bowles, was met with indifference from the print media. The Sun went for the prosaic ‘Lady in Wed’, while The Daily Star summed up the feelings of the nation with its ‘Boring Old Gits to Wed‘. In response, The Independent poked fun at the glut of royal coverage in the tabloids with the announcement in a tiny corner of its front page, along with 11 other stories, under the headline ‘HERE IS THE NEWS YOU MAY HAVE MISSED’. 17me magazine’s cover feature retold the apocryphal tale of how, when Camilla first met the prince in 1971, she reportedly opened her

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FOOTBALL MAGAZINES

Chasing Shewy

I Drifting through the sports and fitness section of your local magazine emporium in recent weeks, you may well have found yourself spooked by the eerie sensation of being watched. Fear not! The pair of soulful brown eyes staring down ubiquitously from newsagent shelves everywhere belong to AC Milan player Andrii Shevchenko, winner of this year’s ’Ballon d’Or’ as European soccer player of the year. Scheva's views on everything from the price of fish to Jeanette Krankie’s near— death plunge from the beanstalk are the urgent concern of every football magazine in Christendom this month. In an interview with Peter Kenyon in Four Four Two, the Ukrainian comes across as a rather driven and serious chap, discussing his days as a lazy youth as well as his ambitions for the future, most prominently qualifying for the World Cup with Ukraine. The Scudetto and Champions League winner is also determined that Roman Abramovich’s chequebook won’t tempt him towards the English premiership. ‘lf Chelsea came in for me, I would say. "Sorry Roman. I am married to Milan and I really love it here.”’ Elsewhere, discussing his scooping of the prestigious award in World Soccer magazine, Shevchenko also reveals himself to be an extremely modest chap. I’m dedicating my victory to all the people of Ukraine,’ he says. ‘I think every Ukrainian boy playing football can see from my example that in life everything is possible. But you need desire, hard work and self-belief.’

your great-great-grandfather, so how about it?’ Ever ready to discharge the splurge gun when

above the parapet was Private Eye, whose cover photo depicted Camilla beaming, wrapped in a

an old woman very happy,’ runs the speech bubble floating from her Shergar-like mouth. ‘Yes,’ Chuckles replies. ‘My mother.’

prominent figures stick their faces

frock the same shade of scarlet as her beau’s cheeks. ‘You’re making

‘Connery’s appearance and behaviour was that of a rude, foul-mouthed, fat old man.’

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